Hello there...Happy December <3
My husband's birthday just past (Dec 2) and for his present, I brought his daughter, Mandy home from New York so all his children could be with him. It was a 'fantastical' visit. She is 33 and a DNA Expert for the state police in New York. His son, Jeremy is a police officer in Nogales, AZ and is 27. This was Rachel and mines first time meeting Mandy, so I was very nervous. She accepted us with open arms, as did we to her. We didn't do much, as we only had 3 days with her...but we spent her father's birthday with me taking the day off (as did he)...taking Rachel to school and then spending some 'quality' time with 'our' 33 year old. She is from Dan's first marriage, but I feel as if she is mine. We took her to breakfast and then to the zoo (lol...funny to take 33 year old to the zoo but she loved it!). After picking Rachel up from school we then waited for his son to get off his shift, and he came up and we went to Apple Bee's...(Rachel's favorite) to celebrate. Then to our home where we had a wonderful visit. Thursday morning, we got up at 4 am and took Mandy back to Phoenix to catch her plane back to her home. That was sad :(
I find it amazing how you open your heart so openly and someone accepts it. Yes I am 'just' the step-mom, but for her to see how her daddy is treated (she is a daddy's girl) made me feel good. It's one thing to text and write and say all the words that describe how you treat one, but to actually see it is even better. My family is so blessed to have Dan and his children in our life. They are wonderful and would give the shirt off their back for anyone (as is their dad as well). I was VERY worried about Rachel and how she would react to sharing her "daddy" again, as her biological daddy has been deceased for over 13 years now and she was only 19 months when we lost him. She has latched on to Dan and this is great. She loved Mandy and adores Jeremy, and was pretty good through the whole 3 day visit. There was a little tiny bit of jealousy but that was to be expected. Dan was wonderful enough to show her a little bit more of attention and the world was fine.
I shudder to think of all the families who have married into new families where things do not go as planned. The jealousy, the resentments, and the kids STILL wanting parents to get back together. My first husband is deceased due to a car crash and their mom has kept herself out of their children's life because when they were younger they chose to live with their daddy and not her. I suppose this all means in layman's terms to me that our two families ARE meant to be together. April (my oldest) still resents (I did not remarry until 13 years after we lost their daddy as my life was wrapped around them and that is the way it should be) and I assume one day she will come around. She says that she knows Dan makes me happy but she has a funny way of showing it. She comes around seldom and to be quite honest with you I am afraid to have her around much more as she has a weird attitude around Dan and I don't care for this. She said she has changed yet I don't see it as much. She lives on her own with her friends and is happy. I try to let her live her life as she wants and I don't interfere at all. I help if I can when she asks and that's all I can offer, along with my love.
I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed Christmas and ENJOY your family. Whether they are married into your family and they are yours biologically. Everyone deserves that chance to make anew and I hope one day April decides this as well. Merry Christmas.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Our Rachel
This is my first attempt of being a "blogger" so excuse me through my stumbles, fumbles and mistakes. I am looking to find more parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters or simply 'new' friends (or old) out in this world who have children with special needs or to famlies who have lost loved ones or have famly members who have been involved with a drunk driving crash. Just to share opinions, stories or even just a shoulder/ear to borrow or to even lend. Our story start 13 years ago...
I received a phone call at my work back in Louisville, Kentucky on June 16, 1996 about an 'accident' that my late husband and our 2 children were in. As any mother would react with a call of that nature, I was anxious to get to the children's hospital to see how my girls were. As I walked into the emergency room, I saw April (at the time 5) laying on a bed, half groggy from a sedative and crying for her daddy, to which nurses had already told me he had been 'taken to another hospital'. I assured April he was at the hospital, and was asking for my baby Rachel (19 months at the time) whom I was told was 'upstairs'....I use these quotes because nothing was JUST that.
While I was talking and reassuring April, a gentleman walked up behind by the name of Court. He asked if he could have a few words with me, and we stepped into a small room and we sat down. He proceeded in telling me that there had been an 'accident' and that there were two fatalities. I, to myself, thought "What has he done. He never pays attention to where he is going, and now he has paid." I was so angry at their daddy, right off the bat. But nothing could have prepared me for what was about to be told to me. Court then continued by telling me the first fatality was the driver of the other vehicle. He then paused...only to stare at me. My boss (who drove me to the hospital) spoke up and asked if the other killed was my husband and Court simply said "yes". I remember nothing for about 5 minutes. So much went through my mind. So much confusion. I had literally just lied to my oldest saying "Daddy was fine"...now I have to tell her he is gone. I had just turned 30 and was supposed to be married for the rest of my life to their daddy. And how was I going to raise two children on my own? THAT my friends, brought me back to reality. I picked myself up, and walked out of that room and into a hallway full of family members and friends. I only wanted my children. My uncle, who practically raised me was already there. We went in together to see April, who was soundly sleeping and was being moved to another room. I then wanted to go and see Rachel.
I was told she was upstairs. My uncle, a doctor and myself went into the elevator and got off on the 2ND floor. I was unaware at that time we were on PEDS ICU. We walked out of the doctors elevators, into a walkaway that led into the intensive care unit. As I walked in I saw my precious baby girl, barely 19 months in this HUGE adult bed, with tubes coming out of every angle....on a ventilator and in a coma. There was a priest bent over her giving her her last rights and I said words that I am sure that poor man has never heard before. I apologized later, and he was very forgiving (which I suppose is his job). Rachel sustained a right temporal fractured, a crushed temple bone, a fractured inner right eye socket fracture, a lacerated liver, a broken right arm and a broken bone in her left ear. Her brain was so swollen, there was no brain drainage allowed and she was slowly dying. They took her into emergency surgery, removing the temple bone and inserting shunts into her head. Her ventricles were so swollen that there was only one to use, and even it was too swollen to do much. In that surgery they also took a quarter size of her brain out that had turned into a blood clot. It was touch and go for 3 weeks. And in three weeks, I had to bury my husband, explain all this to our oldest and live at the hospital. Twice I left the hospital to attend my husbands funeral and twice I was paged back because Rachel had "coded"...three times in all I almost lost my precious girl.
It wasn't until later, two days, I had learned that the other driver had been drinking. I 'accidentally' read an article on our crash where it said that alcohol was involved. Once that news broke, reporters were horrible in the fact there was no privacy. Finally all had been band from the hospital. This other driver also left behind a wife with four children. At the time, the only thing on my mind was getting Rachel better and getting April back on a 'normal' track. There was no getting back to normal. I lived with Rachel 6 months between Children's Hospital and Frasier Rehab Hospital. She woke up 3 weeks later, just like a new born. She has a Traumatic Brain Injury. She had to learn how to eat, sleep, swallow, talk, and walk all over again. Life has never gotten back to 'normal' as you would call it. It is our normal, for sure.
Rachel still to this day suffers in many ways. She is in a Special Needs Class, called Life Skills. She can do many things for herself. She is partially paralyzed on the left side. She has no use of her left arm or hand and has a significant limp. She is at a 2ND to 3rd grade learning level. She loves all people~doesn't understand segregation or a difference. She does however show signs of being sad and asking questions to me when people stare. We all know those people are out there. People who can't just simply smile and walk away. Rachel says she wants to be "normal" and I tell her she is. Everyone is their 'own' and you are who you make yourself. One day we were going by a park when we saw a dog walking on her two front legs and her a little 'walker' I guess you could say to support her pack legs and paws. I saw Rachel looking, so I turned our car around and asked permission for Rachel to see this dog. The owner explained how she had a shattered disc and that this was how she got around and she gets along just as good as any other dog. This made Rachel smile.
I am getting nervous as Rachel will be entering the big world of High School soon, and have already started looking for the RIGHT school...as nothing is too good for her nor will I not mind driving any distance to get her to where she feels comfortable. I believe I have found her a school, about 8 miles away...two friends of hers from the class she is in now go there and they will be Sophomores. She is nervous about this step, as am I ....I am not going to lie and tell you that there havn't been nights where I lay and cry about this. I can only pray and leave her in God's hands while she is away from us and until we have her again. She has so much support here with our friends, some of our family and her 'new' daddy. Dan adores her and she adores him. She isn't your typical 15 year old with the attitude, the sharp tongue, the cussing or the rudeness. And she is the first to get upset when someone does it at us, whoever it may be. She things 'fat' is like a cuss word which I suppose is my own fault because I have told her since she was tiny we do not use that word to describe people. And she will be the first to stand up and put you in your place if you use that word in that sense.
So, in a small cashew nutshell, you have learned somewhat about my family. We are your everyday, normal run of the mill people with a VERY special daughter who we adore. Life doesn't get much better than this inside our walls. It's outside our walls where things get real and scary.
Sonya
'Rachel's Momma'
I received a phone call at my work back in Louisville, Kentucky on June 16, 1996 about an 'accident' that my late husband and our 2 children were in. As any mother would react with a call of that nature, I was anxious to get to the children's hospital to see how my girls were. As I walked into the emergency room, I saw April (at the time 5) laying on a bed, half groggy from a sedative and crying for her daddy, to which nurses had already told me he had been 'taken to another hospital'. I assured April he was at the hospital, and was asking for my baby Rachel (19 months at the time) whom I was told was 'upstairs'....I use these quotes because nothing was JUST that.
While I was talking and reassuring April, a gentleman walked up behind by the name of Court. He asked if he could have a few words with me, and we stepped into a small room and we sat down. He proceeded in telling me that there had been an 'accident' and that there were two fatalities. I, to myself, thought "What has he done. He never pays attention to where he is going, and now he has paid." I was so angry at their daddy, right off the bat. But nothing could have prepared me for what was about to be told to me. Court then continued by telling me the first fatality was the driver of the other vehicle. He then paused...only to stare at me. My boss (who drove me to the hospital) spoke up and asked if the other killed was my husband and Court simply said "yes". I remember nothing for about 5 minutes. So much went through my mind. So much confusion. I had literally just lied to my oldest saying "Daddy was fine"...now I have to tell her he is gone. I had just turned 30 and was supposed to be married for the rest of my life to their daddy. And how was I going to raise two children on my own? THAT my friends, brought me back to reality. I picked myself up, and walked out of that room and into a hallway full of family members and friends. I only wanted my children. My uncle, who practically raised me was already there. We went in together to see April, who was soundly sleeping and was being moved to another room. I then wanted to go and see Rachel.
I was told she was upstairs. My uncle, a doctor and myself went into the elevator and got off on the 2ND floor. I was unaware at that time we were on PEDS ICU. We walked out of the doctors elevators, into a walkaway that led into the intensive care unit. As I walked in I saw my precious baby girl, barely 19 months in this HUGE adult bed, with tubes coming out of every angle....on a ventilator and in a coma. There was a priest bent over her giving her her last rights and I said words that I am sure that poor man has never heard before. I apologized later, and he was very forgiving (which I suppose is his job). Rachel sustained a right temporal fractured, a crushed temple bone, a fractured inner right eye socket fracture, a lacerated liver, a broken right arm and a broken bone in her left ear. Her brain was so swollen, there was no brain drainage allowed and she was slowly dying. They took her into emergency surgery, removing the temple bone and inserting shunts into her head. Her ventricles were so swollen that there was only one to use, and even it was too swollen to do much. In that surgery they also took a quarter size of her brain out that had turned into a blood clot. It was touch and go for 3 weeks. And in three weeks, I had to bury my husband, explain all this to our oldest and live at the hospital. Twice I left the hospital to attend my husbands funeral and twice I was paged back because Rachel had "coded"...three times in all I almost lost my precious girl.
It wasn't until later, two days, I had learned that the other driver had been drinking. I 'accidentally' read an article on our crash where it said that alcohol was involved. Once that news broke, reporters were horrible in the fact there was no privacy. Finally all had been band from the hospital. This other driver also left behind a wife with four children. At the time, the only thing on my mind was getting Rachel better and getting April back on a 'normal' track. There was no getting back to normal. I lived with Rachel 6 months between Children's Hospital and Frasier Rehab Hospital. She woke up 3 weeks later, just like a new born. She has a Traumatic Brain Injury. She had to learn how to eat, sleep, swallow, talk, and walk all over again. Life has never gotten back to 'normal' as you would call it. It is our normal, for sure.
Rachel still to this day suffers in many ways. She is in a Special Needs Class, called Life Skills. She can do many things for herself. She is partially paralyzed on the left side. She has no use of her left arm or hand and has a significant limp. She is at a 2ND to 3rd grade learning level. She loves all people~doesn't understand segregation or a difference. She does however show signs of being sad and asking questions to me when people stare. We all know those people are out there. People who can't just simply smile and walk away. Rachel says she wants to be "normal" and I tell her she is. Everyone is their 'own' and you are who you make yourself. One day we were going by a park when we saw a dog walking on her two front legs and her a little 'walker' I guess you could say to support her pack legs and paws. I saw Rachel looking, so I turned our car around and asked permission for Rachel to see this dog. The owner explained how she had a shattered disc and that this was how she got around and she gets along just as good as any other dog. This made Rachel smile.
I am getting nervous as Rachel will be entering the big world of High School soon, and have already started looking for the RIGHT school...as nothing is too good for her nor will I not mind driving any distance to get her to where she feels comfortable. I believe I have found her a school, about 8 miles away...two friends of hers from the class she is in now go there and they will be Sophomores. She is nervous about this step, as am I ....I am not going to lie and tell you that there havn't been nights where I lay and cry about this. I can only pray and leave her in God's hands while she is away from us and until we have her again. She has so much support here with our friends, some of our family and her 'new' daddy. Dan adores her and she adores him. She isn't your typical 15 year old with the attitude, the sharp tongue, the cussing or the rudeness. And she is the first to get upset when someone does it at us, whoever it may be. She things 'fat' is like a cuss word which I suppose is my own fault because I have told her since she was tiny we do not use that word to describe people. And she will be the first to stand up and put you in your place if you use that word in that sense.
So, in a small cashew nutshell, you have learned somewhat about my family. We are your everyday, normal run of the mill people with a VERY special daughter who we adore. Life doesn't get much better than this inside our walls. It's outside our walls where things get real and scary.
Sonya
'Rachel's Momma'
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